You’re probably here because you’ve read the title and the title is somewhat true. I say somewhat true because this person didn’t directly call me fat, but alluded to it. So, here’s the story of how someone called me fat on a dating app, how I reacted, and how I’m moving forward.
If you’ve been around for a while, you’d know that I hate dating apps. I’ve tried them so many times before and I’m just not a fan. It’s funny because for someone who really doesn’t date that often, I definitely have a lot of opinions on dating. I think the reason for this is because I’m really tired of all the B.S on both sides. So, I’ve stayed away from dating apps and focused my attention on school, my career, and enjoying the single life. However, I was a bit curious recently and I know me and some friends go through this. We get dating apps on our phones, maybe go on a few dates, not really like the environment, and then delete the app. It’s a continuous cycle!
Related: Why I Hate Online Dating
So, I downloaded a dating app (not saying which one) and decided to start swiping through. Now, I’m convinced that most people on these apps are the kinds of people who swipe while sitting on the toilet and then forget about it. So, couple that with the fact that I’m pretty picky, and you don’t get a lot of matches or messages.
When I’m swiping, I really take everything into account. So, I won’t swipe right on someone who only has group photos, or someone who only has shirtless selfies, or someone who has an overused bio like Ron Burgandy quotes. I don’t fall for the dog photos and I definitely get turned off by children in photos. Seriously children don’t ask for their faces to be on a dating app. You can say that I’m a pretty tough person to crack, but what I’m really looking for is someone who is a good person and can make me laugh.
This one particular night, I decided to message a guy something witty. Why not? His bio made me laugh and I love to make people laugh! I also don’t mind a good pickup line so after this guy replied to my message, I asked him if he had any. That’s when he replied with a joke related to weight. To say that I wasn’t shocked is an understatement. For a second I questioned if I really did look that bad. I immediately started to question how other people see me. I was so embarrassed and mortified! And even though this was over an app, it felt like someone had said this to my face in a room full of people.
If you’ve read my story about how I started this blog, you’d know that I gained a significant amount of weight during my transition from college to the “adult world”. Also known as post-grad depression. Since then, I’ve been really focused on eating healthy and going to the gym. So, I’ve been really proud that I’m starting to get on track with my health. When this guy made this comment, it really set me back for a minute.
I am my worst critic because I’m a perfectionist. I try to be the best that I can be when it comes to my work. However, I’ve grown a thick skin and I think that’s what is needed in these situations. I’ve talked about body positivity before and I just don’t get how people can be so cruel to others. Why do people feel the need to make comments or jokes about other people?
What Did I Do About It
I contemplated reporting this guy and at the same time, I wanted to give him a pass. That was what was so interesting about the situation because this was someone who made a rude joke and somehow I still felt apologetic. I thought that maybe I was overreacting by wanting to report him to the app. I even asked a few friends for their opinions. We all agreed it was rude. A friend told me that if he feels comfortable saying this to you, then he will feel comfortable saying this to other girls if he hasn’t already. Ultimately, I decided to report him to the app and then block him.
What I Learned And How I’m Moving Forward
What did I learn from someone calling me fat on a dating app? Well, I learned that you can’t be desirable to everyone, right? But you still deserve to be treated like a human being. When people make comments or jokes like this, you have to know that this person must be extremely unhappy with their life. Hold your head up high and keep moving forward! Just keep swimming, just keep swimming!
As for me? I won’t be on dating apps anytime soon. Not because of this situation, but because I really need to focus on improving myself. This experience reminded me of that and I don’t want to lose sight of my goals.
Question of the day: What would you have done if someone called you fat on a dating app?
As always, if you like these types of posts or if you are looking for more pieces that will make you think, click here.