Feeling Like Others Are Better Than Me

I think imposter syndrome is very common, especially for post-grads. I will admit that my imposter syndrome has made me very paranoid. Sometimes I downplay myself too much. Other times I feel like everyone is smarter than me, so why try? I think we’ve all been there before. The truth is that it can really hurt your self-esteem.

When I was in high school, I was surrounded by super competitive people. However, I stayed in my lane and did the best I could. I worked hard and got into my dream college. In college, it was even more competitive, but I still had my blinders on and concentrated on my work. That didn’t stop imposter syndrome though.

When you’ve been in highly competitive environments, you see glimpses of what everyone is doing. You start to compare yourself and wonder if who you are is good enough. For me, I saw people start companies, build apps, spend 5 semesters abroad, and get into Harvard or Yale for law school. It was intense!

When you’ve been in highly competitive environments, you see glimpses of what everyone is doing.

After college, those things didn’t seem to matter much. I was no longer in this competitive environment where everyone had what you had plus more. Honestly, it was a good feeling. People I came in contact with were amazed at the things that I did. However, it was like it was nothing for me. I started thinking that maybe I’m playing myself up too much.

What really got me was when I came in contact with similar people from my previous competitive environment. Conversations were almost like a pissing match with them. “Oh you went to Duke and you have a master’s degree? Well, I went to Georgetown, and I have a master’s, studied abroad in 3 different countries, graduated with a 3.9 GPA, and saved the dolphins.” Maybe not the dolphin part, but you get what I mean.

I either became jealous or more competitive or both.

I realized that competitive environments or people who’ve done similar things to me caused two reactions. I either became jealous or more competitive or both. It’s a great feeling when people are impressed with you because so often you forget that you’re impressive in your own right. You don’t have to have a pissing match with someone else to prove that.

So, how do I handle my struggle with feeling like others are better than me?

I focus on my strengths. There are so many things that we’re individually good at. So, when need to keep them in mind. Every once in a while when I find myself feeling like others are better than me, I list out my strengths. This really puts things into perspective and helps me maintain that I, too, have value.

I set new goals for myself. I’m always trying to set new goals for myself. I found that when I don’t have something to work towards, I get a bit idle. That’s when the comparing comes in, which, frankly, leaves me feeling jealous. So, I combat this by setting new goals every month. It keeps my mind preoccupied and when you complete a goal, you feel accomplished too.

I try to keep comparing myself to a minimum. This is by far the hardest thing to do. After all, social media makes it so easy to do that. From seeing a friend on a nice trip to someone being admitted to a scholars program. These comparisons are one of the reasons why I left social media. However, I remind myself that these are their accomplishments and I’m working towards my own. Be happy for them and move on.