How I Was Ghosted And Why I Wasn’t Good Enough

How I Was Ghosted And Why I Wasn't Good Enough

I was ghosted. It was the first time that it had ever happened to me and it SUCKED. Many people have many definitions of what ghosting is. Sure, ghosting is just texting, never meeting, and then it just fizzles. But then there’s ghosting when you go on dates, make plans to see each other, gentleman caller-like things, and sweet compliments. Only then to find out that this person is never going to call you back after a month or so of dating. Yeah, the latter happened to me.

Like many girls, I ran through the typical “was it me?” or “did I do something wrong?” I thought that maybe I wasn’t good enough for him. If you’ve ever been ghosted by someone you thought you had a good connection with, you’d understand how annoying it is. I mean it is quite the annoyance! You know the 5 stages of grief? Well, when it comes to getting over someone who has ghosted you, there’s about 16 stages of grief.

Like many girls, I ran through the typical “was it me?” or “did I do something wrong?”

You see, I was ghosted back in March and didn’t really get over it until the end of May. Long time to hold a grudge, right? I agree. I mean, I only knew this guy for about a month or so! But in that time, I thought highly of him. He opened doors for me, took me out to dinner, paid for my movie, etc. It’s not hard to get on my good side. All you have to do is be a gentleman.

Everything seemed fine. The last time I saw him, he offered to drive me home twice. I knew I was going to be drinking that night so I was dropped off earlier that evening. As we said goodbye, we shared a kiss and I thought about what we might do for the next date. The next date never came. I got a little bitter, then in denial, then angry, then upset, then self-deprecating, then angry again, then upset again. You can see where I’m going with this, right? It was almost like we had broken up, but we didn’t. It was such a foreign feeling to me. Have you ever felt this before?

So, why did it take me so long to get over being ghosted?

Honestly, I had nothing better to do than to obsess over why this good connection got lost in translation (quite literally because he was foreign). I had this picture built up in my head that this guy was going to be my hot foreign boyfriend and he’d save me from my misery. It’s so dramatic but I think a lot of women would relate to picturing the guy they’re dating to eventually become their boyfriend (if they feel a genuine connection).

This guy? This guy was the real deal and the resolution to my singledom. Boy, was I mistaken! Yes, he was sweet and kind. And yes, he opened the doors for me and told me that he liked everything about me. However, in hindsight perhaps he was just trying to get in my pants all along.

Why Do I Think I Was Ghosted?

I’m not telling the full story, but our final date was the date of red flags. I mean red flags, red flags everywhere! I didn’t even notice them until after I was ghosted. When you’re in this situation and you’re being swooned, you tend to ignore the red flags. My suggestion? Don’t.

So, ultimately this guy did me a favor. When I wouldn’t sleep with him that night, he asked me if I was a lesbian. Rude. Then he asked me if I was crazy. Super rude. He also tried to coerce me to go further than I wanted. Emphasis on tried. I’m not easily persuaded. I get it. He wanted sex, but he just wasn’t going to get it from me. I’m a relationship type of girl, not a hookup type of girl (not knocking on those who are). After I reached the rational stage of all of this grief, I realized that we were just two different people on two different paths. We just weren’t compatible.

So, why do I think I was ghosted? I honestly don’t know. I’ve thought about it and thought about it. The only person who could tell me is him. Quite frankly, it’s too bad that he missed out on a really cool girl.

Was I Good Enough for Him?

No, I wasn’t good enough for him. I find that when you are ghosted, you shouldn’t ask yourself this question. It usually never has anything to do with you and everything to do with the person who ghosted you. So no, I wasn’t good enough for him. I was too good for him. People like that don’t deserve good sincere women. They’re often too scared to be honest with themselves or with others. Sure, it would’ve been nice for him to just send a text saying, “Hey, you’re a great person, but this isn’t the right time for me,” but he didn’t. However, I can’t focus on the past and neither should you (if you’ve been ghosted).

It usually never has anything to do with you and everything to do with the person who ghosted you.

So, being ghosted totally sucks. We’re all human and we all handle situations in different ways. At the end of the day, people shouldn’t ghost other people. However, people are going to do what they want to do. The worst part is when social media is involved.

Related: Why Dating Has Always Sucked For Us

Being ghosted sucks a lot. Find out how to deal with being ghosted. Pin for later!

So, What Have I Learned?

Honestly, men are clueless when it comes to emotions. I want to believe that most of the time they don’t know that they’re hurting your feelings when they do this. I’m sure if I told him that it hurt my feelings when I realized I was being ghosted, he’d say sorry. Overall, he’s not a bad guy and I wish him the best!

Guys ghost women for many different reasons. Some are valid and some are just excuses. My number one tip is to just let it go. Don’t be confrontational or crazy (even though guys make you crazy sometimes). It’s all a part of life at the end of the day.

So, have you ever been ghosted before? Doesn’t it suck? Share your stories down in the comments!

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  1. I’ve never been ghosted before but to be honest I feel like if I do get ghosted I won’t handle it well, I’ll probably go through those 16 phases of grief as well. Reading this was like a brilliant pre-warning though for if this does happen to me!

    Julia // The Sunday Mode

    1. Ghosting is the worst, mainly because there is no closure. This was the only time I’d ever been ghosted and although I think it’s common, I think knowing that what you’re feeling is common as well. I think I thought I was a being a bit silly when I was sad about it.

  2. I haven’t been ghosted, but one of my friends has. She was really upset, as they were supposed to go away for the weekend and he never turned up. She later found out he was with another girl (on the same weekend trip!). I have had guys trying to make me go further than I want with them, to which I had the same reaction as you did when I said ‘no’. You are definitely right, you are much to good for this man.

  3. So sorry this happened to you. I know from experience break ups from a month of dating can still hurt! but honestly good riddens! I used to get sad when someone didn’t like me because I wouldn’t have sex but in reality that’s such a dumb reason for them to break it off. It means they truly weren’t in to you but only into what they could get from you. After dating a bunch, I learned to have very high walls and if a guy couldn’t wait 5 mins to sleep with you then in my mind he failed the test. So look at it that way. He failed YOUR test. You weeded out a bad one and he showed his true colors. If he was a true boyfriend material he would have said he would wait an eternity until you were ready. And he would have stayed on the picture. So keep being “not easily persuaded” and be happy when they fail your test because you can move on to a true catch. Does it still hurt? Absolutely! Disappointing? Yes! But someone worth it will pass all your tests with flying colors and you will feel good about yourself not lowering standards.

    Teri |

    1. Hi Teri! Thank you so much for the advice! Even now I still think about this experience and you’re right! He absolutely wasn’t for me and even though it’s disappointing, I’m glad I stood my ground. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and leaving such a meaningful comment! xoxo

  4. I was in serious relationship when I got ghosted, it was the most awful thing that happened to me. I didn’t see it coming. I was depressed and angry for months, it took me a while to realize that what he did to me to was emotional abuse and I shouldn’t put up with it. Fast forward a year later it felt good to bump into him. As he was telling me that he send me multiple messages to win me back and was upset that I never responded (I had him blocked from ever contacting me). Felt good to be able walk away and not feel the same about him anymore.

  5. I think I’m being ghosted but not sure. How many days does it take to determine if you are being ghosted. My intuition is telling me that this is ghosting 😞. I just wish people can be honest enough to tell you how they feel than string you along and making you think there is something wrong with you. It’s an awful feeling.

  6. I haven’t been in this situation luckily but it sounds awful. After your last date, it sounds like a lucky escape. Hopefully you’ll find someone who treats you right and respects your wishes xx

  7. You know what, when I read that bit about your date I immediately thought that you had MAJORLY dodged a bullet there. He sounded like a jerk for the mere fact you ghosted you, but pressuring you on top of that?! Nah, definitely a blessing in disguise hun. It’s definitely hurtful when this happens but I think in this case it was a good thing, even though it was brutal. You’re well rid!

  8. I didn’t know about this term until now and I’m sorry that it happened! You’re completely right when you said that it wasn’t about you not being good enough but the fact that this was him and his issues. I’ve dealt with that myself and it’s so frustrating to be on completely different pages in completely different books! I hope you’re feeling better and I wish you the best with the next one!

  9. I haven’t been myself but with friendships I have and it’s just so heartbreaking so I do sympathise with all of this </3

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