I was ghosted. It was the first time that it had ever happened to me and it SUCKED. Many people have many definitions of what ghosting is. Sure, ghosting is just texting, never meeting, and then it just fizzles. But then there’s ghosting when you go on dates, make plans to see each other, gentleman caller-like things, and sweet compliments. Only then to find out that this person is never going to call you back after a month or so of dating. Yeah, the latter happened to me.
Like many girls, I ran through the typical “was it me?” or “did I do something wrong?” I thought that maybe I wasn’t good enough for him. If you’ve ever been ghosted by someone you thought you had a good connection with, you’d understand how annoying it is. I mean it is quite the annoyance! You know the 5 stages of grief? Well, when it comes to getting over someone who has ghosted you, there’s about 16 stages of grief.
Like many girls, I ran through the typical “was it me?” or “did I do something wrong?”
You see, I was ghosted back in March and didn’t really get over it until the end of May. Long time to hold a grudge, right? I agree. I mean, I only knew this guy for about a month or so! But in that time, I thought highly of him. He opened doors for me, took me out to dinner, paid for my movie, etc. It’s not hard to get on my good side. All you have to do is be a gentleman.
Everything seemed fine. The last time I saw him, he offered to drive me home twice. I knew I was going to be drinking that night so I was dropped off earlier that evening. As we said goodbye, we shared a kiss and I thought about what we might do for the next date. The next date never came. I got a little bitter, then in denial, then angry, then upset, then self-deprecating, then angry again, then upset again. You can see where I’m going with this, right? It was almost like we had broken up, but we didn’t. It was such a foreign feeling to me. Have you ever felt this before?
So, why did it take me so long to get over being ghosted?
Honestly, I had nothing better to do than to obsess over why this good connection got lost in translation (quite literally because he was foreign). I had this picture built up in my head that this guy was going to be my hot foreign boyfriend and he’d save me from my misery. It’s so dramatic but I think a lot of women would relate to picturing the guy they’re dating to eventually become their boyfriend (if they feel a genuine connection).
This guy? This guy was the real deal and the resolution to my singledom. Boy, was I mistaken! Yes, he was sweet and kind. And yes, he opened the doors for me and told me that he liked everything about me. However, in hindsight perhaps he was just trying to get in my pants all along.
Why Do I Think I Was Ghosted?
I’m not telling the full story, but our final date was the date of red flags. I mean red flags, red flags everywhere! I didn’t even notice them until after I was ghosted. When you’re in this situation and you’re being swooned, you tend to ignore the red flags. My suggestion? Don’t.
So, ultimately this guy did me a favor. When I wouldn’t sleep with him that night, he asked me if I was a lesbian. Rude. Then he asked me if I was crazy. Super rude. He also tried to coerce me to go further than I wanted. Emphasis on tried. I’m not easily persuaded. I get it. He wanted sex, but he just wasn’t going to get it from me. I’m a relationship type of girl, not a hookup type of girl (not knocking on those who are). After I reached the rational stage of all of this grief, I realized that we were just two different people on two different paths. We just weren’t compatible.
So, why do I think I was ghosted? I honestly don’t know. I’ve thought about it and thought about it. The only person who could tell me is him. Quite frankly, it’s too bad that he missed out on a really cool girl.
Was I Good Enough for Him?
No, I wasn’t good enough for him. I find that when you are ghosted, you shouldn’t ask yourself this question. It usually never has anything to do with you and everything to do with the person who ghosted you. So no, I wasn’t good enough for him. I was too good for him. People like that don’t deserve good sincere women. They’re often too scared to be honest with themselves or with others. Sure, it would’ve been nice for him to just send a text saying, “Hey, you’re a great person, but this isn’t the right time for me,” but he didn’t. However, I can’t focus on the past and neither should you (if you’ve been ghosted).
It usually never has anything to do with you and everything to do with the person who ghosted you.
So, being ghosted totally sucks. We’re all human and we all handle situations in different ways. At the end of the day, people shouldn’t ghost other people. However, people are going to do what they want to do. The worst part is when social media is involved.
Related: Why Dating Has Always Sucked For Us
So, What Have I Learned?
Honestly, men are clueless when it comes to emotions. I want to believe that most of the time they don’t know that they’re hurting your feelings when they do this. I’m sure if I told him that it hurt my feelings when I realized I was being ghosted, he’d say sorry. Overall, he’s not a bad guy and I wish him the best!
Guys ghost women for many different reasons. Some are valid and some are just excuses. My number one tip is to just let it go. Don’t be confrontational or crazy (even though guys make you crazy sometimes). It’s all a part of life at the end of the day.
So, have you ever been ghosted before? Doesn’t it suck? Share your stories down in the comments!
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