Struggling With Vulnerability & How I Manage That

I recently came across a video by YouTuber, Jessica Clements, and it really touched home for me. In the video, she talks about why she left YouTube, but what really struck a cord was when she talked about having a hard time processing and talking about certain emotions. As someone who is struggling with vulnerability, it was very eyeopening to hear someone say that.

I’ve always believed that the best emotion to put forward is happiness. From a small age, I remember thinking that crying in front of people was a sign of weakness. Very rarely did I ever do that. In fact, I think in the span of my life, I’ve only cried in front of people 4-5 times. The other thousands of times has always been in private. It has always been a little secret of mine.

So, putting on a smile and saying I was fine was what I did. Of course, it was okay to say that I’m stressed or that I’m frustrated. However, really telling people what I’m feeling during tough times has been extremely hard for me. When I came across Jessica’s video, I really connected with her words about that.

Of course, it was okay to say that I’m stressed or that I’m frustrated. However, really telling people what I’m feeling during tough times has been extremely hard for me.

Struggling with vulnerability is hard. The first thing I think about when I’m about to be vulnerable is if this person is going to hurt me. Is this person going to hurt my feelings? Are they going to tell other people what I said? Can I trust this person? So, I don’t really bother sharing those heavy emotions and it ultimately becomes like a scar.

Jessica mentions that she felt like if she just didn’t talk about certain things, then the feelings behind them would just go away. That’s exactly how I feel when struggling with vulnerability. I, too, have opted to not talk about things because I feared judgement from others. Yet, sometimes those feelings do subside and other times they are a lot harder to process.

Jessica talks about how she started opening up to one person and then another and then another. It seems to have really helped her process her issues and it’s something I would like to try.

So, I’ve kinda been opening up slowly about what I’ve been going through in my personal life. I’m not sure if I like doing that because I almost instantly think, “well no one needs to hear that”. In having these conversations, I censor myself and not really tell everything. I haven’t decided if this is okay or if I should do this.

In having these conversations, I censor myself and not really tell everything.

In struggling with vulnerability, I know it’s hard to trust other people. This is especially true if you’ve been hurt in the past. I would say take a moment to see who you think would be a good friend to trust with your feelings.

If you have a friend that has a track record for telling other people anything you’ve said, you probably don’t want to go with that friend. Look for someone who has always been kind to you and has listened to what you have to say. Avoid the ones that are more self-centered or talk a lot about themselves. They may mean well, but not necessarily the best person to go to.

What’s been helping me is reminding myself that it is okay to feel sad emotions too. Also, telling myself that in a few months or a year, I’ll look back and see that things really worked out for the better. Struggling with vulnerability is a hard thing to overcome, but remember that you can’t let fear stop you from doing the things that will make you feel better.