Should We Expect Friends To Help With Post-Grad Depression?

Post-grad depression is a very temporary thing, but it does happen to the best of us. I remember when I was going through my own adjustment from college to adult life. Let me tell you, it was absolutely a difficult pill to swallow. However, while going through it, I constantly complained to my friends who seemed to be doing just fine. It seemed like they were moving on without me and somehow I was stuck in this awkward middle ground. Ultimately, I felt like they were tired of me complaining and tired of listening to my same sad song. So, came the birth of my blog, Girl In Gamba, which helped me find people who have felt the same. However, I still wonder if we should expect friends to help with post-grad depression.

It’s been a while since we’ve heard of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain, but I recently came across a super opinion-charged post about depression. I can’t say that I’ve been in an actual depression. Yes, I say post-grad depression, but when I say this, it’s clearly not the same as those who experience intense depression. One thing the post said was that people who are going through depression don’t have the strength to reach out and get help. The post called on the person’s friends to reach out. In a perfect world, I would 100% stand by this assertion, but the world is not perfect and humans are far from perfect.

When Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain passed away, I remember seeing people that I knew on my personal social media accounts saying things like, “check on your friends!” However, those same people never checked on me. In my post on post-grad depression, I mentioned that things do get better. It’s true! One thing I did was almost disconnect on social media. I used to be really big on selfies and Instagramming my life, but I’ve become a lot more private. In fact, many people didn’t even know I was in grad school until I graduated in May of this year. So, where were these friends then? Where were they when I needed them the most?

The thing about people is that we’re so consumed with our own lives that telling people to check on their friends is almost like telling people to fill out a survey. They very well may say sure and never do it. In my situation, I learned that only I can help myself and that I had to fix it. There was no use in complaining to my friends or waiting for someone to send me a text asking how I was doing. Everyone is different, of course, and like I said, I have no idea what someone with very real depression goes through. However, I often wonder if we should expect our friends to check on us when we’re going through post-grad depression.

Telling people to check on their friends is almost like telling people to fill out a survey Click To Tweet

My mom recently mentioned that people lack compassion these days, that many people are out for their own agenda. I definitely agree and would like to see change in that too. However, I, too, am guilty of not checking on my friends. It’s not that I don’t care about them, it’s just that I see them on social media and I think that they’re doing just fine without me. This idea is something I think my friends probably thought too. They probably thought, “oh well she stills posts every once and a while and her blog is still running, so she’s probably doing fine”. And I can say that for the most part, I was and still am doing fine. But when you’re going through post-grad depression, you’re really looking for someone who understands what you’re going through.

I’ve seen some people who have voiced the same feelings I had with post-grad depression. Admittingly, I’ve yelled internally, “Why didn’t you say this sooner?!?!” Ultimately, I think people just don’t understand what post-grad depression is or may feel that it’s just a period of frustration that’ll eventually move on. Yes, post-grad depression is just a period that will eventually move on but those feelings while there are still very valid. Additionally, social media has warped our perspective. We feel like we have no right to complain since no one else is. So, why should we expect our friends to help us? Why should we expect someone to be there?

Looking back, I wish I would have voiced my feelings to friends in a better way. I wish I would have said something like, “Look, I really need a friend right now”. Would things be different?

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