On Knowing Who Your Friends Are

On knowing who your friends are

Let’s sit down and have a chat about knowing who your friends are. I can say that I’ve had some really good friends for most of my life. Even if we did end up growing apart, I would consider them to be good friends. The very first person that I remember calling my best friend was in elementary school. I remember telling my mom that we were going to be best friends forever. We did end up being best friends for a long time. Eventually, we grew apart, which is fine. I still have the memories that make me smile from time to time.

“Knowing who your friends are” doesn’t have to be a dirty phrase. It’s just another one of those uncomfortable parts of life where you have to reevaluate. It’s tough, but I hope that I can shed some light on this so others know that they are not alone.

The Good Vs. The Bad: What To Do?

I am so jealous of Gayle and Oprah’s friendship. I mean, who wouldn’t want a long-term friendship like that? Doesn’t everyone feel like they want at least one best friend? When I think about my friends, many come to my mind. They are so amazing and I know they will do awesome things and be total girl bosses. I am lucky to say that I have friends who are supportive in the best way they can be because of… well… life. Anyone else riding the post-grad struggle bus? What I’m trying to say here is that having friends and knowing who your friends are can be one of the greatest things in the world.

When thinking about knowing who your friends are, I can say that I’ve had bad friends too. I’ve had ones that told me that I shouldn’t have a problem with being bullied. That was really harsh. I’ve also had friends who told me that I was being too ambitious. The thing is that these were long-term friendships too. It’s not a secret that we’re all just cultivating ourselves as we go through life, so it does happen that a great friendship can become incompatible. However, I learned something from this and if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t be speaking about it now.

Related: The Most Valuable Advice For College Freshmen

Sometimes in life, you have to face the fire to learn a lesson when it comes to knowing who your friends are. At one point or another, I have loved each and every one of my friends. What I can say is that you will have friends who will let you down and you will have friends that will lift you up. You will have friends who will fight for you to be a better person and you will have friends who will spread lies about you. There are so many friends out there but it is up to you to choose who is worth keeping. When knowing who your friends are, it is up to you to decide if it’s worth it.

Adult Friendships

I think as post-grads, we feel the need to hold onto our friendships a lot of the time. I believe in some cases, it becomes less about the friendship and more about who am I going to have brunch with. I’ve been there before so I understand. I’ve been so desperate to hold onto friends who I knew just weren’t right for me because I was scared of being alone.

You have to be selfish to be selfless. This means doing what's right for you to spare the friendship. Click To Tweet

I think everyone would agree that it’s nice to have someone be there for you. That’s only a natural feeling. However, it’s important to be there for them too. For me, there were times when I wanted to hold onto friends because I loved them so much. But friendships are a two-way street. If you’re putting in all the effort while the other is not, it becomes tough. This also works in the reverse. If you feel like you don’t want to put in the effort, that’s tough too. In both situations, this is when you have to weigh when it is time to walk away or even when it is time to say something. In a sense, you have to be selfish to be selfless. This means doing what’s right for you to spare the friendship.

Related: How To Handle An Argument With A Friend

Ultimately, I don’t have a clear answer for everyone when it comes to knowing who your friends are. It’s so incredibly complex, isn’t it? I know I’ve read articles about how adult friendships change but in my opinion, adult friendships change because people allow them to. Sadly, like relationships, I think people fall out of love with friendships too.

Perhaps one day I will crack the code that Gayle and Oprah have solved when it comes to lifelong friendships.

Question of the day: How do you know who your friends are? Have you ever had to decide to let a friend go?

Thank you for reading yet another serious thought piece. I’ve been really inspired for the past few weeks so please leave a comment and let’s chat!

As always, if you like these types of posts or if you are looking for more pieces that will make you think, click here.

Follow Girl In Gamba on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Pinterest!

Follow on Bloglovin


Photo by Emma Lopez on Unsplash

  1. I have some truly amazing friends. Two that I would class as my family. They’re like sisters to me. We’ve got so many good memories I would be truly heartbroken to let them go. Having anxiety makes it hard to branch out and make new friends but I’m grateful for those I do have. This post sums up friendships really well and just how valuable they are and how much they impact your life,

    1. It does happen but I think it’s important to remember the good times. Sometimes people grow apart in different directions and sometimes you stay together with your friends. I think if you do happen to grow apart, know that it’s normal and at some point you also have to know when it’s time to let go.

    1. You’re so welcome! It can be really hard to let go of friendships, but sometimes you have to do what’s best for you. Thank you for reading!

  2. I’ve always had a hard time seeing who my real friends are. I went through high school not noticing I only had fake friends there, but I’m glad I learned from that mistake. This was a great post by the way, I haven’t read anything so thought-provoking in a while 🙂

    x Envy

  3. Great blog. I’m 28 and had loads of friends at school but now I only have maybe a handful of close friends and I’m ok with that. I think sometimes friendships do run their natural course because you change and life moves forward and sometimes it’s best to let some friendships stay in the past. X

  4. Friends are so hard. As teens, as adults, at any age. I loved your post. Your thoughts and honesty were refreshing. I can tell that you put your heart into the post and I hope that it reaches so many.

  5. I’ve recently had to let a friend go and it was very sad but I think the things that ‘friends’ do can often show you what type of people they are.
    Sometimes letting that relationship go is a good thing!!!
    Great post and beautiful blog x

  6. Hi, thanks for sharing this post it will get may readers thinking hard about this for sure. I think you just instinctively know who good friends are, wghwerever they are from.

  7. Such a nice post! I agree, there needs to be a lot of effort going into a friendship (specially as adults) in order to make them last. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve gotten rid of friendships that I knew weren’t healthy and ive made friends with great new people. I feel like you get to know yourself more as a person and the real friends are those who stick with you through all the changes!

  8. I remember going through this in high school. I had one best friend and we had known each other since day care, unfortunately another girl got between us. It seemed like no matter what I said, she always seemed to believe her and take her side. As hard as it was, I had to let the friendship go because I realized the relationship was toxic for me. I realize now it was the best decision for me to do because I ended up making so really good friends because of it.

  9. Friendships should’t be hard work, but sadly sometimes they are and cracks start to show, those cracks get so big it’s hard to keep the friendship together, so it’s often best to take a step back from that friendship if you are the only one trying to keep it together. In friendships you should be able to have a huge break from each other and pick up where you left off like there wasn’t a break at all.

    Great post! Jx

  10. It is so important to know who your friends truly are. Strangely, most of my best friends are ones I made after I left high school – my high school friends and I only hung out because we’d been friends since about 11. I did have to let a friend go once. She wasn’t very nice to me, and I got sick of feeling bad all the time (this was when I was about 14). I think you know who your friends are when you can be honest with one another. Also, I think a friend is when you can both disappear for a while and when you reunite, it is as if no time has past at all. I recently caught up with a friend – I hadn’t seen them since I was 15 (27 now) – and it was as if we had seen each other yesterday! This is such a great, thought provoking post 🙂

  11. This is such a tough question you’ve posed — I think for me, I tend to have fewer friends even though I’m quite friendly with a lot of people. I like to spend a lot of time on my own, which means that my friendships tend to grow slowly over a long period of time. But if you don’t feel you connect with someone, that’s probably a sign that it’s time to give up the ghost, right?


  12. This was such a relatable post! I also had a best friend in primary school who I eventually drifted away from. We’d always plan and arrange hang outs but we never ended up carrying them through. We’d been through so much together but I know that letting her go was the right thing to do. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on friendships. I really enjoyed reading this post. 🙂

  13. This post really resonated with me right now as I’m having a tough time at the moment deciding who my friends really are and who actually cares about me – and wants to be my friend. I totally took this post in and nodded along whilst reading it – and even questioned myself and my friendships too!

    Thanks for talking about this on your corner of the internet – it’s something we don’t hear much about and it was really refreshing to read!

    Charlene McElhinney

Leave a Reply