When You're 23 & Scared To Grow Up

Today is my birthday and it’s exciting, yet it’s really weird. To start it all off, this post has been in the forefront of my mind for a while now. I was actually inspired by this post on Chasing My Desire. Although our lives are very different from each other, I still see a lot of similarities. It’s different when you wake up and you realize that you’re in this awkward place where you should be an adult, but you still don’t feel anything like one. Additionally, it’s weird when you look back on what you thought you would be doing at this age and be completely in awe at the reality. I can say that I have a good life, but I am absolutely terrified of my future. What can you do when you’re 23 and scared to grow up?

You see, I don’t spend every moment thinking of my future. However, there are many days where I know that going to school is going to end one day. Looking back, I think I was far more prepared after graduating college for being an adult than I am now. Isn’t that just the weirdest thing? That being said, I’ve always loved being in school. It’s what I do and it’s what I’m good at! Think about it. I’ve been going to school since I was maybe 5 or 6. It’s a weird thing to think that it’s going to end one day. It truly makes me scared to grow up!

When I think about my birthday, I'm absolutely happy. Who else loves cake and ice cream? Click To Tweet

When I think about my birthday, I’m absolutely happy. Who else loves cake and ice cream? This year I’m having a party and although it’s so stressful planning one, I’m still very excited. I think about it and ask, “Why am I scared to grow up?” Well, I think it’s because I hate when good things come to an end. I try not to think of it like that because this is only the beginning of a new chapter. However, every new chapter of my life has been met with great willingness from me. So why am I not more ready to get to the end of this one?

Perhaps the story doesn’t have to stop, but I can’t help but look back at my old life as a college student and miss it. I remember so many people were so excited to graduate and start working. Although I felt ready to graduate, I don’t think I was really all that excited about it. As I know my time as a grad student is ticking away, that same anxiety is coming back. It’s like I know I’m capable but I’m a bit scared of this whole growing up thing.

If you had told me as a little girl that I would be 23 and scared to grow up, I wouldn’t have believed it. Knowing what I know now, I wish I would’ve taken full advantage of that freedom to be able to take risks. I’ve always played it safe and I’ve always been a good girl. I think that’ll always be a part of me, but perhaps this year, my 23rd year, I won’t be so scared to grow up anymore.