Procrastination can sometimes be a reaction to anxiety. It can also be a cause of anxiety, and I think that’s what has happened to me this weekend. Many time I don’t try to procrastinate. After all, I am a couple weeks ahead of my work and I’m pacing myself quite fine in that aspect. However, this week and especially this weekend, I found that I just don’t have enough time. There’s not enough time for me to fully grasp everything I need to do. That being said, I have plenty of time. I spent my entire week not being able to write. It’s a debilitating feeling because I have my ideas, but I just can’t put them out into the universe for everyone to read.
A friend of mine called me on Friday and it took me forever to get back to her. It’s things like that where I just don’t understand what is going wrong. Why can’t I bother to get up? Why can’t I bother to pick up the phone? It’s a bit hard for me to relate, so I can’t imagine if anyone would be able to relate to the feeling of having not enough time.
Two weeks ago, I was supposed to email someone back and I have yet to do it. One week ago, I asked a coding question and was supposed to get back to that person. So, why is it that I feel like I don’t have enough time?
I think procrastination, and ultimately anxiety plays a huge part in the way we behave. However, sometimes it’s impossible to understand our personal feelings and actions. This weekend, it felt like there was not enough time. Not enough time to think, sleep or do. Although I may feel like this, I think there’s more than enough time but perhaps I don’t know how to control it.
This weekend, I thought about my work. Even though I’m ahead, I figured that maybe I would start on work that’s due in two weeks time. I thought that maybe I should do it in case I get sick or in case I don’t feel up to it. Clearly, I know how to control this aspect of my life. However, I fall short on my personal relationships with others.
Maybe my life isn’t as structured in that aspect. After all, there’s no more meeting with friends in the campus cafe to talk or going to sorority events. There are no more Monday nights watching The Bachelor with friends anymore since everyone has their own jobs and their own responsibilities. Perhaps, it’s just something I have to work on, and maybe in a few months time, I’ll learn to conquer this part of post-grad life as well.
Question of the day: Do you ever feel like there’s not enough time?
Wanna read more weekend notes? Check them out here.