I hate to air out some of my dirty laundry but I think that’s exactly what I’m about to do. However, if this will help one person then maybe it’s worth it. I have a problem attracting the wrong kinds of friends. In fact, I’ve known this to be a problem since childhood. However, old habits die hard.
To start, I didn’t have many friends as a child, which is something I’ve always loathed. So, in middle school and high school and even college, I set out to cultivate the perfect friend group. The thing is that even though these friend groups seemed perfect for a little while, the long-term didn’t seem so great. As a result, I envied people who stayed friends for so long. I even envy them now, which is why I’m writing this post.
I’ve realized that there may never be the perfect friend group and that perhaps having a big group of friends brings nothing but trouble. I figured this out when I joined a sorority. When you have 100+ different personalities together, there’s bound to be some clashing. However, even in that, I’ve found that post-grad life can ultimately cause strong friendships to go rocky. So, based on what I’ve learned about myself, I’ve hypothesized some reasons why you’re attracting the wrong kind of friends.
1. You’re desperate
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been desperate for a friend. For example, I would try to make friends with someone just so I didn’t have to eat lunch alone. I ended up picking friends that really didn’t care about me but just wanted to use me. Sure, this is totally common when you’re in high school, college, or even post-grad. However, I hate eating lunch or going for brunch by myself. So, my point here is to not be so desperate for the attention of others,
2. You Suffer From Post-Grad Imposter Syndrome
If you’ve read my post about post-grad imposter syndrome then you’re caught up! If not, check it out! Post-grad imposter syndrome can be the downfall for attracting the wrong kinds of friends. When you feel like you have to prove that you’re smart and a good friend, sometimes the wrong kinds of friends will see this and use it against you. It kind of goes hand in hand with my first point.
3. Confirmation Bias
This is perhaps the most psychology thing on this list but I think it is so so true. Confirmation bias. I think many times, we believe that we can’t have better friends than we have. So, we subconsciously seek out friends who are just not right for us. This then confirms that our suspicions are true. Have you ever said this: “I wish I had better friends who didn’t suck”. I have in the past! In fact, I would be willing to bet that I constantly picked out friends that were the wrong kind just to subconsciously confirm that.
The good thing about all of this is that you can change and start attracting the right kinds of friends. Sure, it takes a lot of time and effort but it can be worth it!
Question of the day: Do you feel like you attract the wrong kinds of friends? Share in the comments!
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Photo by Georgia de Lotz on Unsplash