We’re Not Friends Anymore | How Post-Grad Friendships Change

We're Not Friends Anymore | How Post-Grad Friendships Change

I had a falling out with a friend last year and I learned a lot about myself. I learned about where I could have gone wrong and what could have been a better way to go about things. However, it taught me that sometimes friendships don’t work out and sometimes they can sting just as bad as breakups.

With this blog, I’ve always wanted to share my experiences and turn them into life lessons so that other people can learn from them. Sharing my voice has always been something that I’ve wanted to do. So, when a Humans of New York post showed up in my timeline the other day, I got the knee-jerk reaction to tell this friend. But I didn’t.

Why not?

I think often as post-grad adults, we’re so entangled in a web where we’re trying to figure things out. Some of us want to be “real adults” and some of us want to hang on to our youth. There’s nothing really wrong with either of these things, but when it comes to friends that are no longer friends, there’s definitely a wave of sadness. I’m sure you would tell me to just text my friend. I’ve grappled with this thought as well.

The HONY post was of this guy who was talking about how social media is like a slot machine for our brains. You put a coin in and you keep playing for a dopamine release in your brain. Turns out this guy does poetry, but he also spoke at a TED talk at a university me and this friend went to in early 2017. So, I saved the HONY post and thought about texting it to my friend, saying something like, “Hey remember this guy at the TED talk last year?”

No one gives us a heads up and no one warns us of how complicated friendships will get.

We’re not friends anymore and I don’t think we will be again. It’s a true testament to the everchanging experiences we have going from young adults into this crazy post-grad world. No one gives us a heads up and no one warns us of how complicated friendships will get. So, I struggled and pondered over this thought of sending the text. Ultimately, I decided against it. Would it change anything? Did I want anything to change? Do they want anything to change?

I think this is something that many of us struggle over, which is why talking about friendships and relationships fascinates and saddens me so much. They’re both really great when they’re great, and really bad when they’re bad. Sometimes you stay in silence because it’s familiar and sometimes you leave in silence because you don’t know what else to do. Then other times you fight and you may get back together. Yet it seems almost entirely that these two different types of entities have control over you as a person. You may change, you may compensate, you may water it down, make excuses… We go back or we stay apart. So many things that you wouldn’t normally do. It’s complex. How did it get so complex?

Perhaps things are so complex because our lives have branched out to so many webs that are thin but hanging strong. Our priorities may change and we may not know how to adapt to that. Sometimes it may be hard to accept it and sometimes it’s easy. So, if you’re anything like me and still trying to figure out this whole “adult” thing, you have to look deep inside of yourself. You have to stay firm and fearless. Then, you have to make your mind up.

Question of the day: Have you ever experienced something similar? Share your story in the comments!

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Photo by Cleo Vermij on Unsplash

2 Comments
    1. Hi Julia! You are definitely right! I think I wish more people would have warned me that friendships after college requires a lot of work. I often feel like a lot of friendships fizzle because of that. It’s sad but I suppose there’s nothing one can do!

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