On Knowing Who Your Friends Are

Let’s sit down and have a chat about knowing who your friends are. I can say that I’ve had some really good friends for most of my life. Even if we did end up growing apart, I would consider them to be good friends. The very first person that I remember calling my best friend was in elementary school. I remember telling my mom that we were going to be best friends forever. We did end up being best friends for a long time. Eventually, we grew apart, which is fine. I still have the memories that make me smile from time to time.

“Knowing who your friends are” doesn’t have to be a dirty phrase. It’s just another one of those uncomfortable parts of life where you have to reevaluate. It’s tough, but I hope that I can shed some light on this so others know that they are not alone.

The Good Vs. The Bad: What To Do?

I am so jealous of Gayle and Oprah’s friendship. I mean, who wouldn’t want a long-term friendship like that? Doesn’t everyone feel like they want at least one best friend? When I think about my friends, many come to my mind. They are so amazing and I know they will do awesome things and be total girl bosses. I am lucky to say that I have friends who are supportive in the best way they can be because of… well… life. Anyone else riding the post-grad struggle bus? What I’m trying to say here is that having friends and knowing who your friends are can be one of the greatest things in the world.

When thinking about knowing who your friends are, I can say that I’ve had bad friends too. I’ve had ones that told me that I shouldn’t have a problem with being bullied. That was really harsh. I’ve also had friends who told me that I was being too ambitious. The thing is that these were long-term friendships too. It’s not a secret that we’re all just cultivating ourselves as we go through life, so it does happen that a great friendship can become incompatible. However, I learned something from this and if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t be speaking about it now.

Sometimes in life, you have to face the fire to learn a lesson when it comes to knowing who your friends are. At one point or another, I have loved each and every one of my friends. What I can say is that you will have friends who will let you down and you will have friends that will lift you up. You will have friends who will fight for you to be a better person and you will have friends who will spread lies about you. There are so many friends out there but it is up to you to choose who is worth keeping. When knowing who your friends are, it is up to you to decide if it’s worth it.

Adult Friendships

I think as post-grads, we feel the need to hold onto our friendships a lot of the time. I believe in some cases, it becomes less about the friendship and more about who am I going to have brunch with. I’ve been there before so I understand. I’ve been so desperate to hold onto friends who I knew just weren’t right for me because I was scared of being alone.

You have to be selfish to be selfless. This means doing what's right for you to spare the friendship. Click To Tweet

I think everyone would agree that it’s nice to have someone be there for you. That’s only a natural feeling. However, it’s important to be there for them too. For me, there were times when I wanted to hold onto friends because I loved them so much. But friendships are a two-way street. If you’re putting in all the effort while the other is not, it becomes tough. This also works in the reverse. If you feel like you don’t want to put in the effort, that’s tough too. In both situations, this is when you have to weigh when it is time to walk away or even when it is time to say something. In a sense, you have to be selfish to be selfless. This means doing what’s right for you to spare the friendship.

Ultimately, I don’t have a clear answer for everyone when it comes to knowing who your friends are. It’s so incredibly complex, isn’t it? I know I’ve read articles about how adult friendships change but in my opinion, adult friendships change because people allow them to. Sadly, like relationships, I think people fall out of love with friendships too.

Perhaps one day I will crack the code that Gayle and Oprah have solved when it comes to lifelong friendships.