Why We Care About Boys Who Don't Care About Us

Boys, boys, boys. If I had a penny for everytime I mentioned boys, I would be so rich that I wouldn’t have to think about them ever again. However, even then, I’d probably still find a way to talk about them. So, boys are definitely a hot topic. It’s like that saying, “you can’t live with them and you can’t live without them”. When it comes to boys and dating, it’s still such a foreign concept to me that I can’t wrap my head around it. Surely, having a friendship is easier, but relationships can be a bit complicated! So, let’s answer the question of why we care about boys who don’t care about us.

If you follow me on Twitter, you’d know that a guy who ghosted me still looks at my snap stories from time to time. So stop reading, click this link to read that story, and then come back because I think some of this won’t make any sense.

Did you read the story? Ok, good.

Thinking back to how I felt when I first was ghosted, I still cared so much for this guy. However, in hindsight, it’s clear that he didn’t care about me. After talking to friends about it, I think it’s a normal reaction when these things happen. It hurts, you feel slightly betrayed, and it really leaves you without any closure.

Now, I’ve talked about knowing who your true friends are before. It’s never easy to say goodbye to a friend. It’s really quite heartbreaking! However, in the grand scheme of things, saying goodbye to a friend is easier than saying goodbye to a love interest or a boyfriend, perhaps. I remember talking to my friend about this. It baffled me that it can be so much easier for me to let a friend go but why couldn’t I let this guy who ghosted me go?

Well, I don’t have all the answers, but I hope these reasons will help you!

We Want To Feel Wanted

It’s absolutely crushing to feel unwanted or rejected. Oh boy, do I hate rejection! Imagine a guy taking you out on dates, showing you attention, sending you the beloved good morning text, and being so sweet. That feels great, right? Now, imagine all of that suddenly stopping. It’s absolutely crushing and that previous feeling is one of the major reasons why we care about boys who don’t care about us.

I will never understand how someone goes from hot to cold in 2.3 seconds. It’s absolutely frustrating! Side note: if you know why, feel free to comment your thoughts below! However, the feeling that was there before is the exact reason why we care about boys so much even after that guy has long forgotten about us.

I will never understand how someone goes from hot to cold in 2.3 seconds... Click To Tweet

I think relationships are a bit like Tetris. You have to get all the pieces to fit, but sometimes you’re a bit undecided about where one piece is going to go. You know you have a perfect spot for the next piece, but what about the current piece? I think that’s a bit of what happens when forming romantic relationships. Sometimes, the pieces just don’t match up and it becomes this big mess, right? And then because of that one decision, your whole board is jumbled before you know it.

I know it sucks to be rejected. So, when that person comes into our lives, gives us this newfound attention and then leaves, we’re a bit stunned. On this side, our Tetris game is going on just fine. However, we don’t see what the other person is dealing with. They could be talking to other girls or they could’ve changed their mind on what they wanted at the time. So, it’s that curiosity that contributes to why we care about boys who don’t care about us.

I know this isn’t a one size fits all example, but I hope thinking of it this way kind of brings everything into perspective. In this instance, we’re so caught up in those prior feelings that we just want to feel wanted again by that person who made us feel amazing to start with.

He’s Irreplaceable

So, one of the reasons why we care about boys who don’t care about us is because we think they’re irreplaceable. My friend gave me a wise statement once. I can’t remember the exact words but she asserted that it’s easier to replace friends. You can replace that hole that friend filled by hanging out with other friends and spending more time with others. However, replacing the hole that a guy has left is a lot harder than you think.

Now, I think you shouldn’t take this statement and think that the key to getting over someone is getting under someone else. I absolutely think you should take time for yourself because being dependent on boys isn’t really good in the long-term.

When that person leaves you, it is like taking your drug away at the highest point of your addiction.

On the other hand, I totally get it. Think about it this way, similar to what I heard Matthew Hussey said, when that person leaves you, it is like taking your drug away at the highest point of your addiction. However, you can recover and that’s why the key doesn’t lie with finding an immediate replacement for that person. He is replaceable and you don’t need him to get on with your life and have fun!

We Want To Fix Things

When I think about why we care about boys who don’t care about us, the last thing that comes to mind is trying to fix the situation. This is the final string that ties everything together. When boys show that they no longer care about you, sometimes you automatically go into fix mode. We want to show why we’re worthy and why we deserve their attention. We think about ways to fix ourselves.

In my ghosting story, I mention that I will never know or understand why he ghosted me. However, it is not my duty to run after him and try to convince him that I’m a great catch. It is him who missed out and that’s the attitude I think we should all have. Now, I know this is easier said than done, but I think it’s definitely realistic to strive to have this attitude.

We care about boys who don’t care about us because we want to fix whatever we think we did. The thing about this is that it’s not worth it. It’s not worth trying to figure out why they no longer care and it’s definitely not worth trying to fix it. Sometimes in life, we just can’t fix things.

So, why do we care about boys who don’t care about us? Ultimately, I think it’s because we want to feel wanted, and because we feel like the person is irreplaceable, we want to fix it. In reality, we don’t need to do these things. So, continue being yourself and keep your head up. The right person is going to love you for you and you won’t have to struggle to keep their attention or wonder where you went wrong.

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