What It’s Like Being The Single Friend

being the single friend sucks

Let me start off by saying that I don’t really hate being the single friend. I’m definitely the type of person that believes if it’s meant to be, it will be. I don’t want to rush into anything and I am extremely cautious with who I choose to share my time with. So, I want to be the single friend if being single means that I am waiting for a quality person who I am going to enjoy. However, many of my friends are in relationships. They go out with their boyfriends and post cute pictures. It kind of makes me wish I had something like that. Sure, I’m fairly happy with my singledom, but I get slightly jealous by all of these couples surrounding me, which is why being the single friend sucks.

I recently read this article on Refinery29 about being the single friend. The really hurtful thing that stuck out from the author was that she doesn’t like to surround herself with other single women because she feels like they are competition. Honestly, I think the opposite because as a single woman, I would love to identify with someone who feels the similar pressures I do. I mean it’s starting to be “cuffing season” and couples are in full bloom. On top of this, my friends are always suggesting that I go on dating apps again. Rolls eyes. I’m just too much of a sucker for romance and old-fashioned courting. I’d rather meet someone organically than order up a menu of men who will most likely send me inappropriate messages or unsolicited pictures.

Related: Where To Meet Someone The Old Fashioned Way

One thing I hear from couples is that the dating scene seems so scary now. I’ve written about this and I completely disagree. I think emotional vulnerability is just all around scary. This person could hurt your feelings at any given time, but it can also be the reverse. Dating and even being in a relationship can be an incredibly risky situation that some people just prefer to not be a part of. For a long time, I closed my heart off to guys because I didn’t want to feel that. Then I got busy with school and work and adventures. I didn’t have time for dating or a relationship because I was so focused on reaching my goals. I’m here to tell you that there is absolutely nothing wrong with focusing on you. And as a post-grad woman and fellow single friend, life can be so unpredictable.

Related: Why Dating Has Always Sucked

I don’t plan to stay where I am for much longer. I dream of moving somewhere else after I finish my degree. Even though I want to be in a relationship, this person will have to understand that I can’t put my dreams on hold for them. In the same breath, I do want to go on cute dates and take pictures. What I don’t want to do is put him first.

One time I had an argument with a friend who I felt was putting her boyfriend ahead of our friend group. As the single friend, it seemed like she only wanted to hang out with him and didn’t really care to hang out with the rest of us. Has this ever happened to you? In my eyes, friends (and most importantly family) are always going to be there.

In my eyes, friends are always going to be there... Click To Tweet

Perhaps it is quite cynical of me to think that and maybe I will change my mind, but there definitely needs to be a balance. I never want to feel like I’m the second choice when it comes to making plans and I would never want someone else to feel like they’re the second choice. Honestly, I don’t think it’s right or fair. I know my fellow single friends have felt this before! Isn’t it a bit annoying when you feel like you always have to be the proactive one?

I know I will have my fairytale ending but it will come at the right time. If you’re like me and you’re the single friend, just know that although it may suck, you should still give yourself a pat on the back. We are still young and having amazing experiences ahead of us. I’ve learned to not be so down about not having a boyfriend because it’s honestly not everything. I still have amazing friends, an amazing family, and I still do amazing things. So, enjoy all your free time, fellow single friend!

Question of the day: How do you feel about being the single friend? What advice would you give a fellow single friend?

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25 Comments
  1. I’ve been single for all my life and never been in a serious relationship. Meeting men in my country is really hard and I am considered intimidating where I’m from. Nobody really asks me out. I feel like a weirdo but when I’m travelling, people ask me out all the time. Never becomes serious though as I have to go back to Asia. My life is really full with work and friends. I just feel weird among couples and I’ve stopped attending events cause I’m the only one not in a couple and it feels really awkward.

  2. Oh, I needed this post! I’ve always been the single friend but didn’t look at myself that way until I started wanting a relationship and all my friends had boyfriends. I’ve truly loved being single, but it’s frustrating when you no longer want to be and are having trouble finding a relationship. Patience is a virtue as they say!

  3. I love being single, but at the same time I long for a boyfriend or significant other. It’ll certainly stop my family asking me if I’ve got a boyfriend yet! 😀 I’m enjoying dating and meeting new men.

  4. I don’t mind being single if it means I have more time to work on me. Definitely agree with surrounding yourself with other single people b/c they understand you fully. You are so right, everything will happen at the perfect time, we just have to be patient and faithful that it’ll all work out for the best. Great post!

    1. Yes! I need some more single friends who understand the struggle! I’m totally with you! Take this single time to work on you and your dreams and your aspirations. Good things come to those who wait!

  5. I can relate to this so much! I broke up with my ex about six months ago and it’s been weird becoming the single friend again! I’d been single for a few years before him but it feels really different this time around, maybe because I’m not at uni anymore so there are less things to distract myself with. Overall I think being single has been a positive experience for me because I’ve learnt to spend time with myself again and I think that’s something that’s so easy to lose when you’re in a relationship. It’s so annoying when you feel like you’re being pushed aside for someone’s relationship though. I’ve had times when I’ve arranged to meet with friends and the night has been cut short because their partner has showed up or got off work and they’ve gone to meet them instead, what happened to girl code??? I guess we all just have to try hard to find a proper balance!

    1. Oh wow! I’m sorry! I’m hoping the breakup was at least mutual. I am 100% behind girl code! It’s never a good feeling when you feel second best.

  6. I’m currently going through the same thing. I’m the single friend in my group, and I was just the Maid of Honor for a friend that got married in July. Thankfully the issue of dating doesn’t come up that often. But like you, I feel like if it’s time for it to happen it will. In the meanwhile, I have time to work on myself and continue to figure things out.

  7. Omg I can’t believe you’ve written this because I’ve literally just finished a post on the same thing that I plan to publish next week! I don’t actually have that much of a problem being the single friend, like you, I’m quite an old romantic and don’t fancy meeting someone on tinder or in a club (which leaves me very few options LOL), but sometimes it can get money when you see all your friends all coupled up, and very annoying when they start giving our advice you haven’t asked for lol! I really enjoyed reading this! x

    whatevawears.co.uk

    1. Hi Eva! I wonder if we were good friends in another life because we seem to think alike sometimes! I totally relate to everything. Isn’t it so hard not be a little envious of your friends in relationships? However, I think we’ll both going to be ok, single or not! Glad you enjoyed the read!

  8. Another really interesting and thought provoking post from you! I’ve been in a relationship for the past four years and I can relate to what your friends say about the dating scene being scary – online dating wasn’t really that much of a thing when I met my BF and now, it seems to be the only way anyone finds a partner! Like you, I’ll be staying away from them even if I do find myself single soon – I do NOT need creeps sending me unsolicited pics haha! I definitely agree that being emotionally vulnerable is scary too but once you find the right person and learn to trust them, it’s ok! I respect you a lot for waiting for your fairytale, the right man is definitely out there for you!

    Abbey 💓 http://www.abbeylouisarose.co.uk

  9. I am not the single friend, I’ve been in a relationship for around 4 years now so I can’t really relate anymore, however, I do agree that there has to be a balance of all the people in your life!

  10. You look really pretty in that picture! On a more serious note, I completely disagree with you. Relationships change, they evolve. People will put romantic interests ahead of friends if they like them more because they like to spend more time with them. That’s just life in the social world, get off your high horse! Also, if you think you’ll find yourself a “fairy-tale” man in this world, you’ll die alone. No one is perfect. Relationships are all about give and take, compromise. Lastly, maybe you’re single because you need to be, being single is when you are supposed to better yourself and learn about yourself. Do that instead of complaining about your friends not wanting to get dinner with you.

    1. Hi John (even though I’m sure that’s not your real name). Normally, I wouldn’t publish a comment that’s so condescending as yours but I’m also a fair woman. I do want and need to be single because I want to better myself. You’re absolutely right that being single is all about that. However, I would not say that I’m on a high horse at all. I think many single people would agree that putting their partners before their friends and family who have always been there is not fair. Like you said, it’s all about compromise but what you’re suggesting (and forgive me if I’m wrong) sounds a bit one-sided.

      Side note: That is not me in the picture.

  11. oh preach it ! Being the single friend really does suck, even if you’re not looking for anything. However, I think that my friends who are in relationships always put their boyfriends first. I have had a friend who broke a 5 year tradition for a guy that she had been with only a number of months. I just thought it was really unfair.

    ~Aby
    a-blog-for-thoughts.blogspot.com.mt

    1. I’m so sorry that your friend did that! I try to be understanding of those who are in relationships, but sometimes you just miss spending time with your friend.

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