What if I told you that horrible dating habits have always existed? Would you believe me? Some time ago I had a friend tell me that dating today sucks. I have to agree that dating today sucks but when you look at the bare fundamentals of dating, dating has always sucked. Now, I know what you’re going to say. But social media makes it so hard to connect with someone. Everyone is always looking around for the next best thing. Well, when you think about it, isn’t that everybody? Really, this “phenomenon” is no different than what our parents’ friends experienced back in the day. “Really?” you may be thinking right now. Yes, really. And I’m going to explain to you why you shouldn’t blame social media and online dating because dating has always sucked.
P.S. We’re stripping down the fluff and getting to the bottom behind why people blame social media for the way we date.
Guys Only Care About Physical Looks Now
Let’s take Chuck Bass from Gossip Girl, for example. You can argue that he was all about the looks! Actually, according to this academic article, men have cared about the physical for quite some time.
Men were found to be more concerned with the physical characteristics of potential partners and women were more concerned with psychological and personal qualities of a potential partner, such as achievement and intelligence.
So this whole swipe right or left on Tinder is nothing really new. We’ve been judged on our looks for a while now. Ok, well Tinder didn’t exist back in the 80s, did it? So what did? The answer is singles’ magazines. When I was reading this report, I was kind of weirded out by the fact people placed personal ads in singles’ magazines. However, is this any different than placing a few enticing photos on Tinder for many other singles to see?
Men most frequently sought physical beauty and thinness in a partner when placing personal ads in singles’ magazines, whereas women most frequently sought an understanding partner
Isn’t this kind of fascinating. Sure, I hate that physical appearance is super important to a lot of people. However, it has always been like that.
But Ghosting Wasn’t A Thing Before
Boy, do I have a revelation for you! Ghosting is not fun but it has always been there. Back in the day, they didn’t call it ghosting, but I think ghosting happened. First, let me preface this with the fact that I’ve been ghosted before and it royally sucks. Need a refresher of what ghosting is? In this context, it’s when two people have been dating and then one party suddenly disappears without any explanation. You would think this stems from social media, right? Well, it comes more from human behavior.
Related: How I Was Ghosted And Why I Wasn’t Good Enough
Related: Having A Summer Romance Is Overrated?
Dr. Nicole L. Cromer, a licensed clinical psychologist based in New York City said, “I think people have been ending relationships badly since the beginning of time”. Say that again for the people in the back. Ghosting is nothing but a repackaged description of crappy human behaviors. Basically, people have always been horrible at being honest with others.
Over the next month, Brian and I spoke on the phone nearly every day and managed to see each other a few more times despite our hectic school schedules. And then it happened: he started the slow fade. Remember, this was the ’90s, so we didn’t have the abundance of technology we do today. It all started with him limiting our already limited means of communication. Whereas he used to call me every night, he stopped initiating. In response, I began calling him and — here’s the ’90s kicker — he would have his mom answer the phone and tell me he’d have to call me back. – Julie Sprankles
Yeah, ghosting sucks. And yeah, dating has always sucked. But it’s nothing new and people have been doing this for years! Can you believe it? This wasn’t caused by Tinder, folks.
How Am I Supposed To Meet People?
I have to admit that online dating isn’t the best thing in the world. It’s kind of like we’re treating people like ordering off a menu, don’t you think? You may be thinking, “Why can’t I just meet someone the old fashion way?” and the truth is that you can. We pass so many people in our daily lives but we’re too preoccupied with other things to notice. I dare you to count the number of people you pass on a normal day and I guarantee you’ll see how many missed opportunities you’ve had.
Related: How To Meet Someone The Old Fashioned Way
The thing is that a lot of people are dating online but a lot of people aren’t. Yes, online dating sucks but I could argue that some people suck in general. The idea that competition exists only online is nonsense. You can go to the beach and see competition and temptation. So, dating has always sucked in my mind.
Ultimately, online dating and social media have made it more accessible to connect to people that we wouldn’t have connected with before. Fun fact: 5% of Americans who are in a marriage or committed relationship say they met their significant other online (Pew Research). People have to be meeting somewhere, right?
So, social media and online dating can be good but it can be bad as well. However, it just doesn’t make sense to me to blame online dating and social media for the way we date today when dating has always sucked.
Question of the day: Do you think dating has always sucked? Or should we blame social media?
Let me know in the comments what you think about social media, online dating, and whatever else related to this topic!
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Really enjoyed this! I agree with what you say about physical appearance etc – we often think tinder and the like make people value physical appearance over all other qualities, but to be honest, we’re kidding ourselves if we think this hasn’t always been the case. I think the one consequence dating apps has had is that people feel more inclined to move on quickly without explanation or guilt because there isn’t really any consequence. The fact you’re talking to someone else online takes the personal aspect away from it, and I think it can be easy to forget that there is actually a real person on the other end of the conversation.
whatevawears.co.uk
This has been such an awesome read. Like I love this so much and I so fully support it, dating freaking sucks! I feel like people are scared of honesty, and old fashion ways work too. I was on bumble and tinder for ages, and nothing happened, then I ended up meeting someone in a club, thinking little of it, two months down the line, we still see each other. It’s only a summer fling thing, but still. It’s not all about social media. Sure it makes it harder, but it doesn’t mean it sucked any less then than it does now.
The only thing I will say, is I feel like dating back then was more passionate, people were more invested in each other than they are now. For some reason I just think because of things like bumble and tinder it’s engrained in us that we have options and it’s good in a way, but also I feel like our generation lacks in true passion for each other and things like cheating is a thing too common and it’s almost accepted as something that happens when you date or in a relationship. A little bit off topic but it made me think!
Angelika
http://www.sipping-coffee.com
Very interesting topic you’ve raised here! & its so true I totally agree with you, tinder & the whole concept of it isn’t new at all, infant these things are based on psychological facts on human behaviour.. thats why they become such a thing! Its aways been accepted in the world of psychologists that women tend to be the more emotional type & seek personality traits in their partner. Whereas men have always had a more of an egotistic approach to it & seek a partner that has physical qualities which they deem “attractive”…. I believe nowadays people in the everyday world (not the mega richest of rich) “date” less & end up in “situationships” or friendships with feelings a lot more… the actual courting stage/fancying each other stage, sexual tension stage doesn’t seem to exist AS much during the ages of early adulthood, as it may have in say the 1900s
https://thetypicalbeautyblog.wordpress.com
Very interesting outlook! However, I would argue that courting and sexual tension is far more apparent now than it was in the 1900s because, during those times, marriage was to keep the bloodline going or to provide extra help on a farm through reproduction for example.
I met my boyfriend online! So many things we experience via technology in the modern world has been human behaviour for centuries. It’s a shame people can’t seem to grasp this! Very informative article though; I enjoyed reading it.
Glad you enjoyed the read!
I think dating has always sucked. I started dating ‘the old fashioned way’ (lol, back in 2008)…these guys all asked me out to my face, not via text or message. And it still sucked then. Now I’m on online dating and it’s probably the same as it was back then. I’m actually going to try to meet someone the old fashioned way again. Maybe I’ll just go up to some man and ask him out.
Dating is definitely difficult and a bit nerve-wrecking regardless! Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Dating is definitely difficult and a bit nerve-wracking regardless! Thanks for sharing your thoughts!