What if I told you that horrible dating habits have always existed? Would you believe me? Some time ago I had a friend tell me that dating today sucks. I have to agree that dating today sucks but when you look at the bare fundamentals of dating, dating has always sucked. Now, I know what you’re going to say. But social media makes it so hard to connect with someone. Everyone is always looking around for the next best thing. Well, when you think about it, isn’t that everybody? Really, this “phenomenon” is no different than what our parents’ friends experienced back in the day. “Really?” you may be thinking right now. Yes, really. And I’m going to explain to you why you shouldn’t blame social media and online dating because dating has always sucked.
P.S. We’re stripping down the fluff and getting to the bottom behind why people blame social media for the way we date.
Guys Only Care About Physical Looks Now
Let’s take Chuck Bass from Gossip Girl, for example. You can argue that he was all about the looks! Actually, according to this academic article, men have cared about the physical for quite some time.
Men were found to be more concerned with the physical characteristics of potential partners and women were more concerned with psychological and personal qualities of a potential partner, such as achievement and intelligence.
So this whole swipe right or left on Tinder is nothing really new. We’ve been judged on our looks for a while now. Ok, well Tinder didn’t exist back in the 80s, did it? So what did? The answer is singles’ magazines. When I was reading this report, I was kind of weirded out by the fact people placed personal ads in singles’ magazines. However, is this any different than placing a few enticing photos on Tinder for many other singles to see?
Men most frequently sought physical beauty and thinness in a partner when placing personal ads in singles’ magazines, whereas women most frequently sought an understanding partner
Isn’t this kind of fascinating. Sure, I hate that physical appearance is super important to a lot of people. However, it has always been like that.
But Ghosting Wasn’t A Thing Before
Boy, do I have a revelation for you! Ghosting is not fun but it has always been there. Back in the day, they didn’t call it ghosting, but I think ghosting happened. First, let me preface this with the fact that I’ve been ghosted before and it royally sucks. Need a refresher of what ghosting is? In this context, it’s when two people have been dating and then one party suddenly disappears without any explanation. You would think this stems from social media, right? Well, it comes more from human behavior.
Dr. Nicole L. Cromer, a licensed clinical psychologist based in New York City said, “I think people have been ending relationships badly since the beginning of time”. Say that again for the people in the back. Ghosting is nothing but a repackaged description of crappy human behaviors. Basically, people have always been horrible at being honest with others.
Over the next month, Brian and I spoke on the phone nearly every day and managed to see each other a few more times despite our hectic school schedules. And then it happened: he started the slow fade. Remember, this was the ’90s, so we didn’t have the abundance of technology we do today. It all started with him limiting our already limited means of communication. Whereas he used to call me every night, he stopped initiating. In response, I began calling him and — here’s the ’90s kicker — he would have his mom answer the phone and tell me he’d have to call me back. – Julie Sprankles
Yeah, ghosting sucks. And yeah, dating has always sucked. But it’s nothing new and people have been doing this for years! Can you believe it? This wasn’t caused by Tinder, folks.
How Am I Supposed To Meet People?
I have to admit that online dating isn’t the best thing in the world. It’s kind of like we’re treating people like ordering off a menu, don’t you think? You may be thinking, “Why can’t I just meet someone the old fashion way?” and the truth is that you can. We pass so many people in our daily lives but we’re too preoccupied with other things to notice. I dare you to count the number of people you pass on a normal day and I guarantee you’ll see how many missed opportunities you’ve had.
The thing is that a lot of people are dating online but a lot of people aren’t. Yes, online dating sucks but I could argue that some people suck in general. The idea that competition exists only online is nonsense. You can go to the beach and see competition and temptation. So, dating has always sucked in my mind.
Ultimately, online dating and social media have made it more accessible to connect to people that we wouldn’t have connected with before. Fun fact: 5% of Americans who are in a marriage or committed relationship say they met their significant other online (Pew Research). People have to be meeting somewhere, right?
So, social media and online dating can be good but it can be bad as well. However, it just doesn’t make sense to me to blame online dating and social media for the way we date today when dating has always sucked.
Question of the day: Do you think dating has always sucked? Or should we blame social media?
Let me know in the comments what you think about social media, online dating, and whatever else related to this topic!
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