If you’re a long-time reader, then you know that my dating life has been a bit subpar. Honestly, there’s nothing really wrong with it, but it does get a bit boring. Often when I get together with friends, the dreaded question does pop up. Are you seeing anyone? My answer is almost always no. My second answer is my coveted ghosting story. However, through it all, I know that I could never make a boyfriend first priority.
Not long ago, I wrote about being the single friend in my friend group. I do have to admit that I meant a particular friend group. You see, my friends are split between two different states: the state I currently live in and the state I used to live in. If you didn’t know, I used to live in NYC and dating in the city is always tragic. So, many of my friends there aren’t in relationships. However, at the time of writing about being the only single friend, the friends in the state I currently live in were in relationships. It can be so incredibly hard to navigate that world. Sometimes you just feel left out!
Recently, I have come to the conclusion that I can’t make a boyfriend first priority. I know that there are women who feel like they need a man. However, I just don’t feel that way. I don’t really need a man for anything really. What I do need are great friends and a great support system. Sure, a guy could be a part of that, but he will never come first. For me, my well being is the most important, then my parents, and then friends, and then a boyfriend.
Why do I put friends above a boyfriend? Well, good friends will always be there for you and I have friends that have been around for years. I value their opinions and company so much more. Now, if I had a boyfriend that has been around longer than my friends, it may be a different story. However, at this point in time, I just don’t see making a boyfriend first priority for me. In fact, I don’t think a boyfriend will ever be the first priority.
Related: Why Relationships Aren’t Worth It
Anyone who knows me knows that I adore my mom. She is probably my ultimate best friend. She also gives good advice and she knows me inside and out. If anyone was going to be the first priority, it would be her! I think she’s taught me how to be an independent person and a very fair person. I know not everyone will agree, but perhaps I’m just too strong to need a boyfriend in my life.
Not too long ago, I came across a tweet that talked about how much this particular person is happier and less anxious when they have a guy. To me, that’s so scary! Sure, my friends make me happier, but it’s really the activities that we do. I’m a firm believer that happiness needs to come from within. I never want to be dependent on anyone, friends or boyfriend, because they could leave. If I were dependent on them in this kind of situation, I would be distraught. In fact, I would argue that you’re less happy with this kind of mindset.
I have a friend that always needs to have a guy. So, she jumps from guy to guy when things don’t work out. I would venture out to say that she’s not really happy and sure being with these guys gives her that temporary happiness, but those short periods where she’s not with them, it doesn’t seem like she’s really fulfilled. I couldn’t do this and I certainly couldn’t make a boyfriend first priority because it would just be too much. I also don’t have enough time for it and there are things in my life that I desire. Sure, it would be great to have a relationship, but for the time being, I’m just happy being single!
Question of the day: Would you make a boyfriend first priority?
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